|rant rant rant about time family life
||[Aug. 3rd, 2008|10:39 am]
A Jacket Pocket of Crayons
i dont really care what anyone thinks...i am moving to frisco really soon.|
i dont care if i have a really easy life right now.
whats really easy about it?
compared to everyone elses' life around..whats so easy?
my mom persuades me to stay by hella putting me down in this financial way.
i walked downstairs today. i just said..'im going to live in frisco.'
she said 'youre gonna lose yourself there. you want to live there because of the gays'
i said 'whyd you come to america? for the americans?'
i swear my mom makes me want to become some fucking master debater for the united states.
she is the brain of conservatism.
shes the republicans of republicans.
i love her. but really..i think i stick around too much for my mom
i was recently arguing with her about mccain and obama. and simply just saying
they both did good for their country but in different ways.
hella trying to persuade her.
maybe i need to be on a financial level to be at her level.
but i said 'why wouldnt u vote for obama?'
she said 'because hes stupid'
i asked..'why is he stupid?'
she said "he just is"
i dont care what any republican conservative asshole tells me...i mean if
people think i dont understand.
if people think just cos i'm gay i understand only the gay side of things..
YOU only understand YOUR side of things.
i've had to be open because of my parents.
i've had to tolerate CRAP.
and you know what its like..wow.
i mean now when i talk to my mom...even though of course, she's wiser about finances..
ive got the schooling to be more open minded then that
ive already tried talking to her. yeah whatever we communicate.
but honestly..like she loves me like how i love her.
to this extent thats like 'IM STILL THE LITTLE GIRL THAT GOT PERFECT ATTENDENCE AND NO I HAVENT CHANGED'
naw man. when people find out the people around them are gay, theyre like SHOCKED.
theyre like =0 OMG i didnt know that hurricane was coming! IT WAS GETTING COLD...but
i didnt see it coming!
ok i compared being gay to being like a hurricane..but honestly, people
are shocked up the ass when people come out as gay.
those people that are shocked..well they never opened their eyes nor paid much attention.
say a person is pregnant. and for months you just dont notice..
but youre like..hmm theyre getting fatter..
why dont you ASK?
see people are so afraid of asking...applying themselves to certain things...just to be curious..
whats the wrong of asking.
at least someone did right?
i want to move to frisco EVENTUALLY..because i LIKE it.
sure there are gays.
but theres also a CHINATOWN.
theres the ITALIAN side.
my mom...i cant change her.
ive understand my family to the point that its like..im done. i could write a little
book and maybe sell a thousand copies.
time doesnt matter..its what you do in that time.
2 years have passed and im still stuck her.
obviously i have not been ready to go to sf.
i dont know..i never put myself in that position to even try.
owning a lot doesnt mean you have a lot of MONEY.
because a lot of people buy things with so much of their credit
that they are owned by their credit.
and is that living?
by being owned by Visa, Mastercard, or Discover?
when dealing with hella big heads like those companies..
you have to have control.
well..shit youll have to fix something later.
im not frugal nor a prude.
i just dont have the $ i want to push myself to get certain things..
i love it..my mom said i was so stingy that i couldnt even pay my own tuition.
whoops. was i suppose to?
i had this idea that we were rich and everything..well at least well off.
financial aid didnt work.
people dont tell me things til its too late.
i didnt think about the college finances.
ALOT OF PEOPLE DONT.
and they end up dropping out.
and then people blame our generation...
'DROP OUTS. GOOD FOR NOTHING'
well where was our motivation?
you know..positive words could be nice sometimes.
where were the finances, after that motivation settled into our heads?
for some reason..swiping a credit card to buy my tuition kinda makes me iffy.
but hey. we will all make it.
but TIME..time heals, time builds, and time cannot be saved.
so really, you have to think about what your time is going to..
because im fed up of being with people that cant appreciate what they have.
shit i have to live with MYSElf already..im just learning to appreciate..UHH..
LIVING FOR FREE AT MY PARENTS?
appreciate that I KNOW HOW TO TOLERATE A LOT OF BULLCRAP?
yesss. go tracy.
get that degree while you live in a classy military barrack in evergreen.
fucking hate drivin back here sometimes.
fucking hate having a car sometimes..
im a hater and i cant appreciate, right?.
what i havent really appreciated is my education
and dont tell me that its my fault. i wont Blame anyone..
except that i didnt really CARE about school
for the longest time
especially after having to work at my parents restaurant
at the age of 12?
taking orders from impatient angry adults?
i really dont appreciate anything that comes out of adults
from adults tellin me not to hang at the mall n to do something
productive with my life, to stop skateboarding because IM NOT GETTING SPONSORED
NOR AM I GETTING BETTER?
WHEN I WAS 15, AND WORKING AFTER SCHOOL ANYWAY?
tell me..what 14 year old wants to bust their ass and see their familys
business go down
while they get lashed out at for being gay?
words hurt you guys.
be careful about what you say to people.
i mean ..negative words.
like 'STUPID' 'IDIOT' 'UGLY' 'FAT' 'CHEMICALLY UNBALANCED'
watch it you guys.
everything has an effect.
just because youre yelling at your kid doesnt make it any better than slapping the kid.
nor is slapping the kid any better than negative words.
we all heal.
im healing now.
fuck maybe i need a therapist again. but fuck it. we ALL heal.
and once u realize the problem, and how u can heal..then
start the process..
BUSINESS, FAMILY, MONEY..
throw them together. try.
try succeeding and not hurting too many people.
all i have to do is save my $ now..
and know what i want.
i cant stay here forever.
ive dealt with a good number of years
to be able to speak my mind, to open my mouth and say whats
because even though i'm 20...ive lived with shit
that i can see repeating in the future.
do i want my kids to be bullied about stupid things?
well they will be.
americas such a melting pot that we burn each other.
theres so many different perspectives about one thing
that it makes people angry.
well ACCEPT IT..
TOLERATE THE OTHER VIEWPOINTS.
NO YOU DONT HAVE TO SAY YES TO ABORTION
but at LEAST LISTEN TO THE OTHER SIDE?
'AMERICA,LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT'
HATE IT? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
LOVE IT? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
LEAVING IT? WELL..BYE! BE HAPPY SOMEWHERE ELSE..
ITS NOT ENOUGH TO JUST SAY YOU LOVE A PLACE, PERSON, SOMETHING.
otherwise i can just smoke weed all day, watch tyra banks,
buy Vans every month, and say.. I LOVE AMERICA!
do people say 'I LOVE BRAZIL?'
america is full of pride to the point that we never question
or just try to shut your mouth and accept whats given to you and do something positively better than it.